this is why i love you
by JeDorsToutLeTemps
Summary: Twenty 100 words drabbles about our poor babies, Steve and Bucky ;/; rated M for mild sexual content


_**AUs/Other that I like to see happen with Stucky as the pairing**_

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**one / role reversal is pain**

Bucky wakes up and he's all alone. He's in a room a lot like his and Steve's old apartment, the one he hated with every fiber of his being but lived in anyway because they couldn't afford better. Bucky jumps through a wall and straight into the 21st century. Bucky get's the whole spiel and honestly, he doesn't even try to actually listen. There's no point, not really. Everyone is dead - and so is he. He decides that right there in the med room, too - he isn't actually living. What's even worse? He doesn't mind his new status.

**two / de-aged and spitting angry**

Steve hadn't ever realized how _skinny_ Bucky was, not when they were kids in Brooklyn, not when they were soldiers in Europe and not when they'd been reunited. Steve had always been _skinnier_, and Bucky had always been _bigger_. His actual size had neither concerned nor even been realized by Steve. It hadn't mattered. Bucky was bigger. He was a size to strive towards. Now, stick thin and gaunt and angry like a mangy alley cat, Steve sees what he'd always missed. Bucky was small, too. Frighteningly tiny, actually, considering he's supposed to be fifteen and looks like a child.

**three / animal transformation**

Steve always looks at Bucky with carefully practiced annoyance. The golden retriever had been barking at him for forever, it seemed. Where was Natasha at a time like this? She should be entertaining the dog, not him. He was a cat - cats didn't socialize with dogs like Bucky. But Steve was a sucker for attention, and somehow, Bucky always gave it to him in the most annoyingly endearing ways. "I don't play fetch," Steve will say, and Bucky will respond, "you don't play anything. Come on, just this once?" And somehow, Steve is roped into it, every single time.

**four / coming into it with a bang**

Bucky hadn't seen it until Steve showed him a drawing of them, and had pinpointed on his drawn face. His drawn face, which showed pleasure and rapture and effortlessly happy emotions - love, basically. And he'd fought down his whole body shutdown like a champ. Because _wow_, was he not ready for that revelation. And Steve? He thought it was normal that he was looked at like that from his best friend. Bucky knew people married for years that didn't look like that. But… it wasn't that bad, was it? Oh, he was _only_ in _love_ with his _best friend_.

**five / disney metaphors are cry**

Steve flinched when Bucky picked out Beauty and the Beast. But he'd put it on, and watched it all without making a sound. When the credits rolled, and the songs started up, Steve went to stand. A hand grabbed at his wrist, and he stayed put. He'd been trying his best to let Bucky make his own choices, and he'd been trying his best to give Bucky what he wanted if it wasn't too far out there. The song played, "a tale as old as time," background music coming to a crescendo as Bucky pulled Steve down to his lips.

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_**Things I saw on Tumblr that I associate with Stucky**_

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**six / you've been the only one on my mind since the day we met**

Steve was the number one hottest bachelor in America in 2014. Steve was the Avenger with the second highest public opinion because he came out as bisexual. Steve was offered night after night from people of all sexualities. Steve had even been offered fuck buddy relationships by some of his fellow Avengers. But he was in love with a dead man, and their offers went in one ear and out the other. And when he finally found Bucky, that's one of the first things he said. "You've been the only one on my mind since the day we met, Bucky."

**seven / you're not perfect, but you're not your mistakes**

Something the Avengers were ridiculously good at was coming up with phrases they could say instead of "I LUV U." Steve and Bucky's specifically-for-them phrase was, "You're not perfect, but you're not your mistakes." They could say it whenever they wanted, but usually only did when the other was feeling down, or if Steve had been forced to make a call he didn't like. It was something stable, too, which definitely helped both of them, since they both needed stability like the Earth needed the sun. That's not even mentioning how comforting it is to the both of them, either.

**eight / love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop**

Bucky understood war. He understood the harsh reality of it and he understood where his place was. But love confused him - he hadn't a clue about any of it. Steve had told him that he'd always love Bucky, no matter what had happened, and Bucky had nearly choked up because he didn't know how to love and he didn't understand it and there wasn't a definition anywhere and he was freaking out, but he had to know - "Love is like war," Steve tells him, calming him, "easy to begin but very hard to stop," and he finally understood.

**nine / open up my eyes, tell me i'm alive**

Steve knew that Bucky didn't think of himself as a human. That, more than anything, hurt the most to Steve. His best friend didn't think of himself as what he was down to his very core. Sometimes, he would say things about how he wasn't actually alive, and Steve always had to resist a flinch. He felt like that, too, sometimes, and he hated that Bucky would ever feel like he wasn't a human, wasn't alive. Because to him, some days, nights, Bucky was the only thing keeping him alive. (He doesn't know that it's the same thing for Bucky.)

**ten / he's just a boy trapped in a weapon**

No one seems to realize how young they are until Bucky freaks out on live TV because he finds out that his younger sister _died_ while he was trying to kill Steve and Steve freaks out because he doesn't know how to help the other man. Natasha and Sam, the life savers, manage to calm them both down. But the damage is done. And the next day, it's everywhere - the worst headline of them all says, **Winter Soldier - He's Just A Boy Trapped In A Weapon.** It's the worst because it's true and it hurts. Hurts them both.

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_**Song lyrics I associate with Stucky**_

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**eleven ~ I'll lie, cheat, I'll beg and bribe / To make you well (Gone, Gone, Gone by Phillip Phillips)**

Bucky wasn't above begging. In no way was he above begging, but only when it came to Steve. He'd do anything for Steve, including begging. And lying. And bribing.

"I'm 18," he lies to get the alcohol he needs for Steve's newest ailment when they're both 15.

"I'll do whatever you want," he offered with fluttering eyelashes as he bartered for money so Steve wouldn't be homeless.

"Please. Please, give me the inhaler, I'll - I'll work without pay until the thing would be paid off. Please," he begged the man behind the counter.

He'll do anything for Steve, everytime.

**twelve ~ Maybe I'm too busy being yours to fall for somebody new (Do I Wanna Know by Arctic Monkeys)**

Bucky always tells him to go out and pick up a girl. "Hell," he says, "I'd be okay with you getting a guy, Stevie. I know you're lonely." But Steve isn't, not really. The problem is that he wants Bucky, not any girl or guy out there. They didn't connect, not like him and Bucky. He didn't want anyone that wasn't Bucky. He couldn't, wouldn't, tell Bucky that, though. Bucky might've been okay with him bringing a guy home, but that didn't mean he would be comfortable around Steve if he was told he was the object of Steve's affection.

**thirteen ~ Nobody knows it but you've got a secret smile / And you use it only for me (Secret Smile by Semisonic)**

Bucky doesn't speak to anyone in the tower but Steve. He'll sign to the others, who know it from Clint, but he won't speak unless it's to Steve. Around the others, his face is impassive or vacant or one of slow amusement, but he doesn't really smile unless it's for Steve and they're alone. He doesn't show likes or dislikes unless Steve is there to laugh at the face he makes at mint chocolate chip ice cream or the hyper-ness he gets from watching Disney movies. One day, he'll do it around everyone, but until then, it's all for Stevie.

**fourteen ~ You'll have to watch me struggle / From several rooms away / But tonight I'll need you to stay. (The Run And Go by Twenty One Pilots)**

Steve had a lot of problems, like all of the Avengers. But he didn't open himself up to the others very often,, and just kept it all bottled up. Bucky hated that, even if he was a hypocrite because of it. So on the rare nights when Steve would come to him, sit with him and draw as he watched _yet another_ pulp classic, sleep in the same bed, curled around him and vice versa, Bucky cherished it. And he let himself do the same around Steve on his own rare nights. He knew they both really needed those nights.

**fifteen ~ my heart is numb / But with you / I feel again (Feel Again by OneRepublic)**

Bucky didn't feel much about anything. He didn't feel anything about his old family or the streets of Brooklyn he used to prowl or his and Steve's old army buddies. But Steve… He felt about Steve. He felt a lot about Steve and he didn't know what to think about all the things he felt about the blond. He liked the things he felt about Steve. He liked that he felt something. When Steve was with him, he could even start to feel things about the others, his past, baseball, even his own well-being. And it was a _good_ feeling.

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_**Steve and Bucky vs. _**_

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**sixteen / the way people act and dress**

The bare shoulders were fine. The bare chest was fine. The long legs were fine. But… Steve and Bucky were hotblooded, bisexual men, and all of that added together was not fine. Add in the fact that Steve was going through perpetual puberty and Bucky had gone seventy years on drugs that stopped arousal, but wasn't on them anymore, and you got awkward situations all around. They were both embarrassed by their awkward boners, and always, always pretended they didn't have them. The people they got them for were never harassed by them, though, so mostly, people blessedly ignored them.

**seventeen / public opinion**

The Avengers were on TV after a bad bout of battles that had the public opinion down. Some things were said, Tony made a crude motion over his lap, and suddenly, the super-soldiers were moving away from him.

"What?" he asked, only to get, "that's a sin," from Steve.

"... jerking off?" They both nodded. "Guys," Tony said after a long moment of staring at them in horror, "masturbation is okay now. It's not a sin."

They shook their heads.

"I'm serious" Then Tony paused, hesitant, "Have either of you ever gotten yourselves off?"

"No."

The public opinion was suddenly sympathetic.

**eighteen / texting**

They texted a lot, at any time of the day. Just to annoy the other, or to distract from bad memories and nightmares that plagued them both. Bucky's phone was customized to let him be able to use his metal fingers, and Steve's was just plain bigger than most because his fingers were too big. Their texts were either loving or teasing, with the occasional heart to heart or scolding thrown in there. They had gotten good at texting quickly and often communicated in the same room since it annoyed Tony. … Well, no one ever said they were nice.

**nineteen / food**

Bucky bit into the banana, then froze. Steve and Nat froze, too, and Thor stopped chewing on his own banana. Tony asked, "should I call in an emergency?" and Bruce backed away slowly. Sam lunged for the other bananas while Rhodey and Clint went for the knives.

"What the fuck is this," Bucky says slowly, his eyes on fire.

"Um," Steve says meekly, then pushes Nat forwards.

"Bananas… have a twin species, James. The original one died, though, so we're left with the twin."

Bucky slammed the banana onto the table, saying, "never give me a twin banana ever again."

**twenty / sexuality**

"Steve! Guess what! There's a word for us now!"

Steve whirls around to face Bucky's vibrating form. "Really?" He asks, suspicious. "What is it?"

"Bisexual! It means you like both your own and the opposite gender, either romantically or sexually!"

Steve grins, big and wide and happy, and says, "seriously?"

Bucky nods, not minding that he had to clarify again.

"Can you believe it!"

Steve shakes his head, elated. Then he realizes something. "Buck? Are bisexuals allowed to be open with being bisexual?"

Bucky, looking far happier than he had in months, nodded again.

They both paused, then cheered loudly.


End file.
